I was meant to write a blog post at some point yesterday. Possibly the day before. The details are a little fuzzy. Because I’ve been too busy reading the fifth Harry Potter book, you see.

I know what you’re thinking – how come I’m only just doing this now? Well, it’s not that big a deal. A couple of years ago I looked up what happened on Wikipedia. So I’m really just recapping and fleshing out the details in my head.

The real issue is that it’s stressing me out. As you may well know, by the time of the fifth book things have got pretty tense. And the worst thing is that I’ve still got two more books of this stress before someone finally puts me out of my misery by sneaking up behind Voldemort and nailing him in the back of the head with a large plank of wood.

Yeah, I can’t see it letting it up anytime soon.

I think part of the reason I find it so stressful is that the aforementioned Potter and his surprisingly good-looking friends keep doing recklessly stupid and unnecessary things. I find myself wanting to shout ‘Don’t do it, Harry! Just stay inside out of trouble and talk to Emma Watson instead.’

But alas, in spite of my warnings, he and his cronies carry on crossing lines, flaunting their flagrant disregard for the rules and generally ignoring common sense’s quiet voice in their ears.

Now, I have no moral objections to such temerarious behaviour. In fact, without it they would probably never have destroyed the One Ring to stop Voldemort from building another Death Star. I would just rather they all sat down over a nice cup of tea and chilled out.

Yeah, I’m a real blast at parties.