So you may not have heard, but I’ve just got a new job writing internet headlines.

It’s an under-appreciated art. Mark my words, in years to come all of the world’s most celebrated artists will be internet headline writers. Personal wealth will no longer be measured in pounds and dollars but in the number of clicks one’s links generate.

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Recently, I performed the required yearly cleansing ritual on my car, in order that it may be presented without blemish upon the day of reckoning.

The following is a list of things I found inside its rusty innards whilst completing the rite:

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