Today is Valentine’s Day.

You might have noticed because all of your Facebook friends decided to inform you of the fact. Just in case that one poor, calendar-less soul out there had forgotten.

After a brief scan through my newsfeeds I have compiled a list of the most prominent kinds of Valentine’s Day stati (plural of status. No?) So you don’t have to bother reading any of them.

• Today is Valentine’s Day and here is a picture of what my wonderful boyfriend/girlfriend got me.
• Today is Valentine’s Day and I got engaged x years ago
• Today is Valentine’s Day and it’s such a commercialised sham
• Today is Valentine’s Day and it should be about love for everyone, not just for couples
• Today is Valentine’s Day and I’m alone (this one often includes a crude joke)
• Today is Valentine’s Day and we should remember how much Jesus loves us (this person is invariably a single Christian)
• Today is Valentine’s Day and I’m so grumpy about all the Valentine’s Day statuses

I, however, have eschewed all of these angles. Instead I am going to offer you some very valuable romantic advice.

Before you get out your notepads and pens though, I feel obliged to offer a short disclaimer. It is true that I was recently dumped by a girl that wasn’t going out with me.

Yes, apparently girls pre-emptively break up with me. So I don’t blame you if you choose to take this advice with a pinch of salt.

Last week I was watching an advert for ‘funkypigeon.com’. If I remember correctly, they were offering a discount if you bought more than one Valentine’s Day card.

My advice is thus:

If you buy a Valentine’s Day card from ‘funkypigeon.com’ then you are doing it wrong.

If you buy more than one Valentine’s Day card then you are certainly doing it wrong.

If you buy more than one Valentine’s Day card from ‘funkypigeon.com’ then you are doing it spectacularly wrong and you should probably just stop trying.